Recovery is not for the faint of heart. It is however for the bold, the brave, the desperate, the addict, the weary and the broken. You simply have to be human to need recovery. The human condition is such that breeds hurt, dysfunction and pain. No one is immune because no one is perfect. There is a perception that recovery is for “those” people. Well I’m here to say it absolutely is for “those” people for your mom, dad, sister, brother, boss, pastor, best friend and for YOU. Celebrate Recovery is for definitely me. I have been in recovery now for 2 plus years and it is the best thing I ever have done for myself. If you look back at my blog there is some dark and desperate posts that characterized my battle with panic and anxiety. I was a person who didn’t think recovery was for me and I didn’t need help, I would figure it out on my own. I could not have been more wrong, I was in a constant state of chaos, reeling from hurt, ignoring God and saying yes to all the wrong people and situations. I was lost and I couldn’t even see it.
The first day I walked through the doors of Celebrate Recovery was probably one of the most transformative days of my life. That’s the day I started saying yes to God and no to my own way. Allowing God to transform me into the person He wants me to be and it has been one of the hardest battles I’ve faced. One of the hardest things in recovery is to face the truth. The truth that I and I alone was responsible for my pain, that I cant do it on my own and need help. Yes people hurt, took advantage and negatively affected my life, but I made the choices that created chances for people to hurt me. I didn’t protect the life and heart that God had given me from the sickness of the world. I had become casual about sin and had a someday attitude. Some day I will live for Christ, when I am through school, happily married, thin, more financially stable…the list goes on. Someday hit me squarely between the eyes and said NO TODAY IS THE DAY YOU CHANGE YOUR LIFE. My panic attacks were debilitating and getting worse everyday. I wasn’t functioning anymore and I tried to fool myself into believing that I could just muddle through it. But I was slowly dying it was a matter of time and I would have been dead. Maybe not physically but emotionally, spiritually dead. In reality I was there and it was no kind of life it was pure torture.
Miracles still happen God brought me, the dead, back to life. I have now been 2 years without a panic attack, but the most miraculous thing that has happened since I have been in recovery is that I have a renewed faith and sense of hope. God has brought me out of denial and apathy onto a path of redemption, grace, forgiveness, truth and spiritual growth. He brought me to Himself and is allowing me to enjoy my progress and see my growth. He is showing me how to use my life in service to him and I love the work He is doing in me. For the first time in many years I can say that this year is going to end on a high note and I am looking forward to what God has for me next year!