Category Archives: Rants and raves

Grrr…

Standard

Grrr…that is all I have for now I wrote a whole post that got lost in WordPress land. Frustrated with moving and finances…I just need to get through this week and get everything done on time. Grrr…ok off to pack more and find a place to call my own. Dang it I hate moving!!

Jenness

c/s

Fat Shaming…And Bullying

Standard

Fat shaming is an ever prevalent phenomenon in America and something that has touched my life in a serious and sad way. It all started long ago when I was sitting in the gymnasium of my grade school. I saw my mom, the school photographer at the time walking through the gym one of my classmates started making fun of her, calling her fat and mocking her for it…rage welled up in my tiny and I yelled at them that she was not fat!! And that she was my mom…I can’t say that I made a difference but the mark that it left on me was indelible. As a child I told myself that I would never be heavy like my mom was…but alas something’s that we hate the most become who we are. I have battled my weight since Junior High I was about 25 pounds overweight then a late bloomer and at the time I didn’t see it as a big problem. But the weight continued to come on and by the end of high school I was 50 pounds overweight.

Throughout my whole school career I was teased and taunted I was not rich but went to a school where most of the other children where rich. I was socially immature and very emotional to partner with that I battle ADHD and was medicated from 2nd grade on.  I remember distinctly in 2nd grade I was made to take my medicine at the drinking fountain at the front of class my medicine dropped into the sink as I tried to take it I didn’t notice but the next person did and announced it to the whole class I was ashamed teased and embarrassed beyond belief.  3rd grade when I had to get glasses the minute I did my teacher moved me from the front of the class to the back by myself…nothing like being discriminated against by your teacher…my peers fed off of that…in 6th grade I was followed around the playground by the boys in my class and called slug bucket, fatty and kicked to the point that I was crying in fear and an emotional disaster. Later that year while trying to get back to my desk while my teacher was out of the class…(for what seemed to be a horribly long period of time) leaving me with my tormentors upon arrival back she found that I had been punched in the face, glasses broken with a fresh black eye, blamed it all on my and made me sit in the hallway for 3 hours in turn missing lunch. I was too afraid to move and this action just perpetuated the idea that the abusive and bad behaviors of my peers was acceptable behavior I was miserable!!

After all these incidents in grade school my mother was my strongest advocate and always went to bat not only for me but for all of her children. A lot of the time I was either ashamed or embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone what was going on. I was young and dumb and just wanted to get through it and have a measure of peace so that I could function day-to-day.

As I mentioned before I started to gain weight in Junior High and I cried nearly every single day during or after school. I was tormented and because I was not a good student I was shamed for being in remedial courses. Back 20 years ago a learning disability felt like it was a curse. No one understood it and my teachers didn’t want to deal with me so they pushed me through and let me do less than best…my grades were a point of contention with my parents as well and it was a battle to get homework done everyone was frustrated and at their wit’s end.

In High School while the weight was coming on any shred of self-esteem seemed to evaporate though the bullying and teasing subsided slightly I still experienced to a high degree in the community I experienced things like being mooed, barked and oinked at…I was made fun of constantly and it broke my heart. Part of being ADHD comes problems with impulse control so I continued to gain weight. Though this was a constant battle there was some days that I was free and they were cherished I took solace in the  few friends I had and in my family and my church family made it more bearable especially through high school.

Then at 19 with my life in shreds after the murder of my friend Kay (15 years later) I lost it in a sense. I was destroyed and spiraled into places I never thought I could go. I didn’t have the tools to handle my everyday life and I didn’t know what to do and I found comfort in what couldn’t “hurt” food, irresponsible spending and behaviors (though they had their own destructive powers.)

Springing forward into current day here I sit an obese single mom trying to do everything in her power to make a better life for me and my little Peanut girl. The things I mentioned before still occur on a somewhat regular basis.  From animal noises to the media telling my daughter through commercials and ads with women flaunting their bodies all over town, that her momma is bad and  ugly. On Valentines Day last year I took her out to eat and she said that she was embarrassed and that she was afraid that people would make fun of me at the restaurant because I was fat. That is so sad and pathetic that the stigmatization of obese persons is so strong in society that my then 4-year-old was worried about it. In all honesty all my hurts, habits and hang ups that hang over my head are sometimes overwhelming as I have written about in the past…but, what prompted me to write this post was an article I found yesterday…Fat shaming may curb obesity bioethicist says. I read through this article that essentially says…that social pressure in a non-biased way, like the campaign against smoking that could be effective…not only do I feel that this “expert” is totally off base but I feel that the stigma and prejudice in relation to jobs, relationships and body image serve to shame the “fat” community enough. Largely “fat” people are thought to be gross, unlovable, lazy and stupid. So now we are going to openly and very publicly shame and bully them into thinness? I am not here to debate whether or not being fat is good or bad for you. The effects that obesity takes on a person’s life are obvious to first and foremost them and to all that surround them. But the point that needs to be made is this…anyone who battles with obesity is a human being and is deserving of love and acceptance…acceptance does not mean being in agreement. But, it does mean according to dictionary.com favorable reception…to me that means respect, lack of judgment, an attitude of understanding, and unconditional love for someone.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein

Tearing someone down in an effort to create positive change in their lives is the worst possible way to affect change in someone’s life. Especially when it is something (like overeating) that is so entrenched with lifestyle patterns and with all the coinciding factors that come into play a public flogging will create an outrage not an outreach. After reading the above listed article I found this one…Obesity expert says daily workouts can’t undo damage done from sitting all day. It talks of creating better habits all around and gives more information on how the body works in relation to weight loss and weight management As far as I am concerned this is something that needs to be heard more. Finding compassionate and tangible ways to bring about change in the battle against obesity is a workable and a positively proactive way to combat the epidemic…because I know of no one ever who said…when I grow up I want to be fat.

FAT SHAMING DOES NOT WORK!!! Being treated with love, understanding and compassion does. If you know someone who has a daily battle with obesity or any eating disorder, hug them tell them they are not alone and offer your support not judgment and hatred. See them for the quality of their heart, mind, personality and what they contribute to your life and to society. Looking at the toll that bullying and shaming has done…from suicide to self-harming behaviors like cutting, the thing that keeps running through my mind is…isn’t the loss of life and sanity enough to prove this is an ineffective way to deal with the problems in society??

Leave behind a legacy of love and healing not hatred and judgment.

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Will Smith

Jenness

c/s

Productive Day…

Standard

Awe what a lovely and productive day!! I haven’t had a day where I was this productive in a long time!! Maybe it is the fact that I am 10lbs slimmer that I had the energy to FINALLY finish sanding the project dresser for Peanut’s room, clean the kitchen from top to bottom, do laundry, clean my daughter atrocious room, vacuum, and water my plants. I putting a legitimate effort into  getting the house totally clean and organized so that my life is easier because I start my NEW JOB on Monday. Woo Hoo!! I am so glad that we will once again have consistent income. It really will ease the tension of the last few months. I also can proudly say that my blog is literally making it around the world I am so proud!! I was so excited to see the different countries where people had read my blog!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! This totally put me in a great mood today!! (For those who haven’t read my other blog it is Embracing Possibillities.)

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Yay for good moods and  with the idea of  connecting with more wonderful bloggers I went topic searching and came upon a rant about obese people. Oh my!! Throw my sassy opinionated self into the mix of the conversation and it made for a wonderfully stimulating “battle” of words with a close-minded judgmental fellow blogger about the fact that their pet peeve is obese people that said and I quote “Why cant i go up to a fat person and say how dare you eat that big mac yuck and give them a lecture on being fat and how it is now the number one killer of americans? They dont go through withdrawals if they cant get super sized fries. Theres no cholesterol patch to ween them off. Shit doesnt make sense to me…Fatty is sensitive?? I call bullshit. Go to a gym and diet and cut the shit.” I am going to leave their typos where they are and point out that I not only take issue with their opinion but fat shaming and prejudice play such a key role in this issue and  is one of the reasons why the battle turns out so badly for some. It makes me sad when I find people perpetuating hatred no matter the form. I gave them a piece of my mind (well a few pieces of it) 😀 and at the end of the day I am not upset, I am not angry and I think I said my peace in an intelligent and productive way.  I can’t change their opinion but maybe someone else who stumbles onto the Fat = Bad blog will be affected by my sassy retort to the ignorant display of  prejudice.

I will wrap it up with this…I had a great day…I got to write about things I am passionate about and I was seriously productive in an effort to tackle my wildly out of control house…I would say that is a win all the way around and I get to go to bed with a few things checked off my list with a heart more at peace today then it was yesterday. Thank you again to all who are reading, commenting and liking my blogs. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the support of my passion.

Jenness

c/s

Kid TV Sucks…Well Most Of It Does

Standard

My day began with Strawberry Short Cake blaring up the stairs…ugh can I just say I hate most kid TV!! YES I HATE IT!!! (Ok, Ok not all of it I do love Veggie Tales…where oh where is my hairbrush!)  But, every morning I endure my Peanuts favorite shows until I can no longer handle the annoying sounds of it. Now I will admit I have some favorites like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood it is a spin-off of Mr. Rogers, what a cute sweet little show. I also like Super Why what a creative and fun idea!! All the story book characters come to life…it teaches kids to spell which is one of the building blocks for all reading and learning. It also is paired with some sort of lesson or morality tale. And it is less annoying than most other shows and for this Sassy Momma that is a huge bonus!!!

Now can I ask just one thing?? When did Sesame Street become political?? What is up with pushing the liberal agenda on young minds? I am not against tolerance I am not against equality or anything I see displayed on Sesame Street. I but I believe the things they are trying to impress on the minds of our children are parenting issues not issues that need to be addressed by a show that was meant to teacher my child the basics of learning. With celebrities frequenting the show (far what I can only assume is for charity) doing the letter or word of the day and or singing a kid appropriate versions of their songs…mind you most of them my daughter doesn’t even know because their brand of humor or music is not appropriate for children. It has become a way to perpetuate a cause and has a fraction of the educational benefits it once did. (Again I am not against the messages I just don’t think they belong on kid TV.) Sesame Street is not Peanuts favorite and when she wanders away I sneak the chance to turn it to the Today Show with Kathy Lee and Hoda and maybe just maybe I may even get enough time to watch Kelly & Michael!! 😀

Though I am a opinionated and open-minded mom I think that we should keep politics and children separate and let parents decide for themselves what they want their children to learn in this regard. To my fellow parents just be aware of what your kids are watching and make sure it aligns with your beliefs. BTW the only part of Sesame Street I do like is Abby and her flying fairy school. Even though it is ridiculous she is a cute little pink puppet!!

Jenness

c/s

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly…

Standard

As usual crazy brain is rolling out many thoughts and I am struck with the need to sit down and write…awhile back I wrote about my biological father in Heartbreaker I didn’t share this post on Facebook which is where many of my readers including my family link to the blog.) I think part of why I didn’t share it was because it came from a part of me that is dark and broken (also if he ever decided to look at my page he would have seen it as we are FB friends) and that part of my heart is sometimes scary to me and I didn’t know what reactions to expect from the people I know. It isn’t even that I don’t want him to read it, I do what him to read it I want him to be affected by my pain, frustration and anger, (which has not happened despite my attempts to communicate them to him) but moreover I was afraid that if he did read it that it would destroy our relationship. Realization hit me…the damage is done, and I didn’t cause it.

Some time has passed and I am starting to see that no matter how hard I have tried to hold on, no matter how hard I have tried to right the wrongs in my mind I am powerless in the face of fairness and attaining justice for my tattered heart. Do I even deserve it?? No where have I ever seen in God’s word or in the world this idea that all of life has to be fair and go the way you want it to go. I think more over what it boils down to is…do I as his daughter want to be in constant inner turmoil or do I need to come to peace with the idea that I will never get an apology or even an attitude of remorse for the ways that he has hurt and betrayed my heart.

It hurts, it sucks and I am not all to happy with what I know I need to do if I ever have a hope of a peaceful resolution for myself in relation to my relationship with him. Forward motion and forgiveness is needed. Ugh!!! (I don’t want to!) So many times my mother has said forgiveness isn’t for the person being forgiven…I don’t think I am yet ready for the place of total forgiveness but I am in a place where I can lower my expectations and start seeing him for who he is and try to start healing while at the same time protecting myself and my Peanut from being hurt in this capacity by him again.

I think that this issue ties into the whole idea of my goal to be emotionally healthier, therefore I cannot for myself harbor bitterness in my soul it doesn’t benefit me and it doesn’t benefit my life in any way. So I am in the process of adjusting my expectations and accepting that in this situations I may never get resolution, I may never fully understand all the why’s and I need to be ok with that.

I seek freedom for my heart to love more fully and to further accept people for who they are…the good, the bad and the ugly.

Jenness

c/s

Modesty and Feminism

Standard

Modesty has been a subject that was drilled into me as a child and for that I have extremely grateful to my mother that she stood her ground about it. I have had this post sitting in my drafts for sometime and the reason that I was I was prompted to write this post was because of the half time show during the Super Bowl. During which I watched yet another woman flaunt her body and sexuality in front of millions of people as a form of “family friendly” entertainment…a few years back I was even more appalled at Shakira on a 2009 episode of America’s Got Talent where she sang her song She Wolf and during her performance she literally humped a speaker in the most graphic and provocative way I was sickened and lost respect for her in that moment. Why has the world made this acceptable entertainment? Why is it that I can’t get clothing at Target that covers my daughter’s body? Seriously, how did the woman’s liberation movement and fight for equality and empowerment come to mean oozing our sexuality all over the place wearing it like a badge and hitting people over the head with it. How do I train my precious child to cover her body and protect herself from the dangers of the world when the media touts sexuality as being something to be flaunted. I was prompted to look up feminism, and modesty in the dictionary the clearest and best definitions are my opinion is listed below…

Feminism

1. belief in women’s rights: belief in the need to secure rights and opportunities for women equal to those of men, or a commitment to securing these

2. movement for women’s rights: the movement committed to securing and defending rights and opportunities for women that are equal to those of men
And a feminist is someone who advocates such rights…
Modesty
1. freedom from conceit or vanity, 2.  propriety in dress, speech, or conduct
I discussed this issue at length with my mother (who raised 3 daughters and has two beautiful granddaughter and one more on the way) just before I began writing my post and with her permission I share why she was so adamant about it this is what she has to say on the subject…
I was so strict about this subject because modesty is a Biblical principle.  Not only that, but girls get judged by their appearance too often.  If girls dress immodestly they become objectified and begin to think that is more important than character.  I see more women manipulate through these means every day and then they wonder why no one takes them seriously. I have many other reasons. self-respect, respect for God and his principles, respect for men, immodesty increases the chance of immorality, etc., etc…One of the main reasons is that I wanted to protect you (my sister and I) from the potentially wonderful feeling of that kind of attention, but horribly false sense of value you would get from men paying attention to you just to get something from you.  Young girls don’t always draw attention from their peers.  But from all kinds of men, young and old. It might  be flattering attention from that cute guy you noticed in English.  But your 50-year-old math teacher, grocery store clerk, quiet uncle, Dad’s  best friend, etc. notice too. You know, our society is selling women and men a false bill of goods by using sexiness and attractiveness to sell everything, as if it is more important than any other quality a woman could have.  Beauty and sexiness is fleeting, but quality of character, intelligence, friendship, ability, knowledge, kindness, insightfulness, humility, etc., last a lifetime and improve with age like fine wine. (Linda)
Frankly, I could not have said it better.  My daughter is beautiful inside and out and I hope that she continues to grow her inner beauty and have quality of character to accompany her throughout her life. Even with that being said I see things that have the influence of society and people in our life that have begun to eat away at her confidence telling her that beauty is defined by her body structure and face. I have such strong feelings about this and I really think that it is more about the protection of my daughter and others daughter and sons. Even though it is a Godly principle I think the concepts apply to all people. It is a matter of teaching our daughters and sons about character,  that inner beauty and that the quality of your heart and character are what matter.  How can we teach the sons and future men of this generation to treat woman with respect and treat them as their equals with the pervasive idea that you are nothing if you are not sexy. With super stars running around in the their underwear or less in videos and on TV how can we teach them to value the quality of a woman heart and mind to find her worth in actions other than how her body and face look.
We are on a frightening path and are children are in the middle of it all do you think that the future leaders of this world are going to serve their communities well when they cannot see past the surface to see people’s humanity, seeing a person for their true inner beauty allowing them to open their hearts and minds to all the qualities they possess like being able to hold an intelligent conversation, using their minds to be creative in whatever way God has blessed them, their drive, ambition, respect for authority, respect for themselves and a love of people. These things are what will carry them through their lives. God put everyone on the Earth for a purpose lets help our children live out that life and encourage them to live authentically and with integrity and honor, with a good sense of self-worth that has nothing to do with their outward appearance. Therefore, raising true Feminists who fit the definition…advocates for equality for not just woman but for human kind that radiate beauty from the strength of their character that reflects onto their beautiful faces making them the most beautiful of God’s creatures.
Jenness
c/s
Links:

Depression is a four letter word…

Standard

As those closest to me have I am sure have seen I have not been myself…during my fourth long-lasting panic attack in the last month I decided it was time to see the doctor. On Friday I had my Dad pick up Peanut and I headed off to the doctor’s office and as I sat far too much in my own head, I waited to discuss all the crazy that has been becoming a permanent resident in my mind and life. As I sat tears fell down my face and I was so afraid of what I would say and how I would act. As soon as the doc came in I couldn’t control the stream of frustration and pent-up emotions of the past 6 months. I discussed the numbness in my face and arms I discussed how I feel completely incapable of even doing simple tasks like doing the dishes or vacuuming the floors. A connecting theme in it all was the kind of parent I see myself becoming and that I cannot even seem to control my own thoughts…and I abhor it, I hate that my mind is betraying me and I am becoming my own worst enemy. My doctor said words that I didn’t want to hear she said…I think you are seriously battling DEPRESSION and that often it is interlinked with anxiety and panic attacks. To me DEPRESSION is a FOUR LETTER WORD. I hate the word I hate the stigma I hate that she was right…

Depression…  a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Partnered with…

Anxiety…distress or uneasiness of mind (1) one of its synonyms is disquiet…that is such a good explanatory word it means…lack of calm, peace, or ease; anxiety; uneasiness…to deprive of calmness, equanimity, or peace; disturb; make uneasy. (1)

Ok so lets combine these two definitions (my issues with anxiety I have discussed about in my blog Undone By Anxiety)…Distress or uneasiness of mind laced with emotional dejection and withdrawal topped off with  lack of calm, peace, or ease with a chaser of sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. I mean REALLY?? No wonder I am freaking losing my mind that I feel so out-of-place and not at all like myself!! I feel stupid and trapped by my own brain, it has been betraying me at every turn and certainly did not see the danger and darkness that was looming ahead. Shit it seems as though it was purposeful in its trajectory and I think that is part of what pisses me off about depression and anxiety is that I have little choice about where it takes me I know I have been trying to battled it and to keep my sanity not only for my sake but for Peanuts too. But, it snuck in there anyway and took charge of my life.

Here is the silver lining of it all I was placed on a cheap medication that I can only pray to God works and I found out that my doc’s office offers counseling at $10 a session!!! It was such a relief to know that I had enough sense to ask for the kind of help that I needed and also that I can find affordable means of combatting the crazy. The social worker that I talked to said something that made a lot of sense…he said “sometimes we out grow our coping mechanisms and we need to learn new coping skills”  Also in the course of the conversation he mentioned that the things that brought you to this point are different from the things you have dealt with in the past. Awe enlightenment and some sense returning to my brain.

I am truly glad that I had enough sense to reach out and ask for the help I needed and I pray that in a month I am far more on top of my game and on the path to a more stable and productive me, a better parent and a better person.

Jenness

c/s