My heartstrings are all tied up in the little girl who calls me Mommy. She has been sick for far too long now, she struggles with asthma and allergies and has had a bit of a rough winter. Spring sprung and her asthma kicked into high gear and a lump under her chin appeared. 1 1/2 weeks ago she was taken to the doctor by her Poppy (my dad) new medicine was given and within days her asthma cough was essentially gone. And her sweet little freckle nosed face went back to normal as the swelling under the chin dissipated, but the lump stayed it did get a bit smaller but was still present. She has been battling low-grade fevers and on Sunday morning she woke up swollen even more and the lump was back full force. My sweet baby was in pain and there was nothing I could do.
There is nothing worse as a mom than not being able to help when your baby is hurting. I took her back to the doctor on Monday things had changed and they decided to further investigate what was going on with her. They took her blood for testing and she didn’t even cry or whimper she was strong and very grown up about it…she did request that I sing her a song while they put the needle in so I keyed up Jesus Loves Me. As soon as the needle was in she turned and watched as they took her blood. They then scheduled her for an ultrasound I waited exhausted from our early morning and the stress of it all and at 4:40pm her Doc’s office called and told me that they scheduled her for a CT scan with contrast…meaning that they would have to put in and IV and run dye through her while they took pictures of the lump. They are looking for a thryroglossal sac cyst…do not ask me what that means. All I know is I don’t like it!! She is on antibiotics and with all the testing I am praying that they figure it all out.
My heartstrings are being tugged over all of this I am emotional and teary eyed when I think about it. Just like I was when she broke her arm last year and had to have surgery. Ugh this is the stuff of life that makes me realize how much it means to me to be her Mom. She is a precious gift from God. My reoccurring thought is how precious that little life is and how much I love and cherish her. When she was a tiny baby I gave my gift from God back to Him and dedicated her life to Him. I promised to raise her in His image and to try everything in my power to bring her up with God as the center of her life. For she is only on loan to me and belongs to my Heavenly Father. That is a hard pill to swallow sometimes and in the rush of life we don’t always remember that these little lives have a higher calling a God-given purpose. I want her to live out that purpose…but it is so hard not to just grab her away from His grasp and selfishly not trust that He is going to take care of her.
My emotions are all over the place and I am worried all I want is for my baby to be ok and for whatever is wrong with her to be a quick and easy fix. It is such a wonderful, beautiful, scary transition from just being you to being someone’s Mommy. To be responsible for this little life full of potential and promise. I wanted little more out of life than to be a Mommy and in the thick of sassiness, discipline issues and daily life you forget the precious gift that it is to be someone’s Mom. As a parent I am constantly surprised by her sharp mind and brave soul, overwhelmed with love and pride. Her wit, confidence and sass (the good kind and the bad kind ;)) keep me laughing and on my toes. I appreciate my gift from God and am grateful that this little ball of fire came my way. I love my daughter and can’t wait for the answers to her health concerns in the mean time I am trying to put my trust in the Lord and remember that He is in control. Hopefully tomorrow will bring much understanding and peace. Thank you to my family and friends for all your prayers and loving support that you always give to Peanut and I. ❤