Monthly Archives: April 2013

Behind…

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I have gotten myself behind in my writing, house work and general everyday stuff but I have every good intention of sitting down and writing!! I also noticed that I was nominated for the Beautiful Blog Award!!! Yay I’m so happy!! I room more about it tomorrow when I have the time. For now this tired Momma needs sleep and a good night conversation with the man. Great way to end my day. ❤
Good night moon.

Jenness
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A Woman’s Worth…

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How do you gauge a woman’s worth?

Is it based on her hair surely it must be there?

Is it her batting lashes that bring flashes of flirtatious fun?

Is it the sparkle and shine from a makeup line?

Is it the lips divine or her hips sublime?

Is it in her girth that you see her worth?

Is her worth contingent on beauty that only the eyes can see?

Is her worth between her thighs are lying deep in her eyes?

Is worth something of this Earth?

Is a brain something to disdain?

Is the soul being left to become a black hole?

Is the quality of her heart no longer a good place to start?

Woman of worth it was given to you at birth…

Don’t you see that your beauty lies with Me?

Daughters of Eve I want you to believe.

You are emitting rays of light; shining; bright for in you I delight.

Your Master and Maker never to be your heartbreaker.

Store up your treasures here for they are secure.

In Me you will forever see your beauty and worth are certainly nothing from Earth.

How do you gauge a woman’s worth…look beyond what only the eye can see surely you will find Me

In the depth of her heart lies so much wisdom to impart.

Laden with love sent from above

A rare breed indeed are the daughters of Eve.

Hold them tight and help them find My light.

The world tells woman that the gauge of their worth is solely on their outward appearance…we wax, tan, color and cut, diet and forever worry that the way we look will be acceptable, special, and that someone anyone will find us beautiful, desirable, and worthy of love. The truth is we already have all those things because we are loved and cherished by our Heavenly Father!! My greatest desire as a mother is to have a daughter who becomes a woman after God’s own heart who is secure and comfortable in her person because her worth is not based on things of this world. God gave us worth and I pray that women take stock in that and follow their God-given journey and through that find peace and purpose.

Jenness

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Matthew 10:29-31 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Versatile Blogger Award Nomination!!

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I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award I am so happy and honored!! Thank you so much to Transcending Borders Blog she is a great writer and I love reading her work!! Please take the time to go and check her out. ❤

THE RULES:

1-Thank and link back to the person who awarded you.

2-Nominate 15 bloggers for The Versatile Blogger Award- and include a link to their site (and tell them that you have nominated them.)

3-State 7 things about yourself.

  1. http://fullofrosesinspirationals.wordpress.com/
  2. http://ginaleftthemall.com/
  3. http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
  4. http://janeykate.wordpress.com/
  5. http://livingwithadhd.me/
  6. http://pastaforone.wordpress.com/
  7. http://stealthchristian.wordpress.com/
  8. http://araneus1.wordpress.com/
  9. http://pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com/
  10. http://notadaylesswilldo.wordpress.com/
  11. http://viciously-sweet.com/
  12. http://thequirkydiva.wordpress.com/
  13. http://thebettermanprojects.com/
  14. http://thebookofalice.com/
  15. http://offriesandmen.com/

All these blogger have something in common they are good writers and have touched either my heart or my funny bone. Thank you all for sharing your lives this way. ❤

  1. I am a serious coffee lover and am very happy that Starbucks has a new Trenta sized coffee. I am in Heaven. 🙂
  2. I drove a car for a year that didn’t have reverse…it made for interesting parking and lots of pushing.
  3. I love to watch movies.
  4. I live in Idaho and love how the mountains smell.
  5. I have a beautiful red and black beta-fish Blaze who I love!!
  6. I love snuggling in bed with my baby on lazy mornings till noon.
  7. I love to sing and dance but don’t do it in front of others. Except my cutie daughter. 😀

Thanks again to  Transcending Borders Blog for the nomination!! I am so excited for my first award nomination for my blog!!

Jenness

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Rising From The Ashes Of Poverty…

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Rising From The Ashes Of Poverty…

Thought are swirling and my excitement for my new job has me sitting with a smile in my face and joy in my heart. If everything pans out this will help my daughter and I rise from the ashes of poverty like the Phoenix.

I have had Medicaid for Peanut since she was born and I have been on food stamps from her birth until now. At the end of April I will no longer be receiving food stamps, I have been receiving the maximum amount since the closure of the child care center I worked at in August of last year. Food stamps have allowed me to feed my child healthy and high quality organic food and all natural food for 5 years now. And to tell the truth I am scared. I am scared that I will no longer be able to provide the organic and all natural product that we have been enjoying. I am nervous that I will not be able to afford all the things in my life that are a priority to me.

But, I am excited at the same time. I am trying hard to see this as an opportunity to rise out of my situation and to embrace the responsibility that comes with the extra income I have literally never made this much and had the opportunity as a parent to be comfortable financially where I don’t have to worry how I will pay the rent or put gas in the car. I have always had this idea that the money that I receive in child support should be saved and set aside as a rainy day/college, first car, start-up money for adult life fund for Peanut and I now with much more favorable circumstances I could actually do it. We shall see how it all works once I have a full month of paychecks under my belt and the bills are paid.

I have many times kept the thought in my mind that our situation was temporary and only for a time in my life that we needed assistance from the state. I have had this idea that I was working toward something of worth that would provide Peanut the best chance at success to begin her life through her education, artistic pursuits, musical ambitions or any other thing that her little heart wants to give a try not to the point of spoiling. My intention is to help her find her passions and to encourage her in them and I felt like these things were not options when we were living on less than $400 a month. Praise God for answers to prayer and for His provision for Peanut and I!! I feel blessed and happy to be in this position. Peace has found me and I pray that it continues and that I thrive in my position and keep moving in the direction of stability and in turn bringing more peace to my life. Like the Phoenix I am excited that we are rising from the ashes of poverty and move toward this new adventure.

Jenness

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“Our passion are the true phoenixes; when the old one is burnt out, a new one rises from its ashes.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Fat Shaming…And Bullying

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Fat shaming is an ever prevalent phenomenon in America and something that has touched my life in a serious and sad way. It all started long ago when I was sitting in the gymnasium of my grade school. I saw my mom, the school photographer at the time walking through the gym one of my classmates started making fun of her, calling her fat and mocking her for it…rage welled up in my tiny and I yelled at them that she was not fat!! And that she was my mom…I can’t say that I made a difference but the mark that it left on me was indelible. As a child I told myself that I would never be heavy like my mom was…but alas something’s that we hate the most become who we are. I have battled my weight since Junior High I was about 25 pounds overweight then a late bloomer and at the time I didn’t see it as a big problem. But the weight continued to come on and by the end of high school I was 50 pounds overweight.

Throughout my whole school career I was teased and taunted I was not rich but went to a school where most of the other children where rich. I was socially immature and very emotional to partner with that I battle ADHD and was medicated from 2nd grade on.  I remember distinctly in 2nd grade I was made to take my medicine at the drinking fountain at the front of class my medicine dropped into the sink as I tried to take it I didn’t notice but the next person did and announced it to the whole class I was ashamed teased and embarrassed beyond belief.  3rd grade when I had to get glasses the minute I did my teacher moved me from the front of the class to the back by myself…nothing like being discriminated against by your teacher…my peers fed off of that…in 6th grade I was followed around the playground by the boys in my class and called slug bucket, fatty and kicked to the point that I was crying in fear and an emotional disaster. Later that year while trying to get back to my desk while my teacher was out of the class…(for what seemed to be a horribly long period of time) leaving me with my tormentors upon arrival back she found that I had been punched in the face, glasses broken with a fresh black eye, blamed it all on my and made me sit in the hallway for 3 hours in turn missing lunch. I was too afraid to move and this action just perpetuated the idea that the abusive and bad behaviors of my peers was acceptable behavior I was miserable!!

After all these incidents in grade school my mother was my strongest advocate and always went to bat not only for me but for all of her children. A lot of the time I was either ashamed or embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone what was going on. I was young and dumb and just wanted to get through it and have a measure of peace so that I could function day-to-day.

As I mentioned before I started to gain weight in Junior High and I cried nearly every single day during or after school. I was tormented and because I was not a good student I was shamed for being in remedial courses. Back 20 years ago a learning disability felt like it was a curse. No one understood it and my teachers didn’t want to deal with me so they pushed me through and let me do less than best…my grades were a point of contention with my parents as well and it was a battle to get homework done everyone was frustrated and at their wit’s end.

In High School while the weight was coming on any shred of self-esteem seemed to evaporate though the bullying and teasing subsided slightly I still experienced to a high degree in the community I experienced things like being mooed, barked and oinked at…I was made fun of constantly and it broke my heart. Part of being ADHD comes problems with impulse control so I continued to gain weight. Though this was a constant battle there was some days that I was free and they were cherished I took solace in the  few friends I had and in my family and my church family made it more bearable especially through high school.

Then at 19 with my life in shreds after the murder of my friend Kay (15 years later) I lost it in a sense. I was destroyed and spiraled into places I never thought I could go. I didn’t have the tools to handle my everyday life and I didn’t know what to do and I found comfort in what couldn’t “hurt” food, irresponsible spending and behaviors (though they had their own destructive powers.)

Springing forward into current day here I sit an obese single mom trying to do everything in her power to make a better life for me and my little Peanut girl. The things I mentioned before still occur on a somewhat regular basis.  From animal noises to the media telling my daughter through commercials and ads with women flaunting their bodies all over town, that her momma is bad and  ugly. On Valentines Day last year I took her out to eat and she said that she was embarrassed and that she was afraid that people would make fun of me at the restaurant because I was fat. That is so sad and pathetic that the stigmatization of obese persons is so strong in society that my then 4-year-old was worried about it. In all honesty all my hurts, habits and hang ups that hang over my head are sometimes overwhelming as I have written about in the past…but, what prompted me to write this post was an article I found yesterday…Fat shaming may curb obesity bioethicist says. I read through this article that essentially says…that social pressure in a non-biased way, like the campaign against smoking that could be effective…not only do I feel that this “expert” is totally off base but I feel that the stigma and prejudice in relation to jobs, relationships and body image serve to shame the “fat” community enough. Largely “fat” people are thought to be gross, unlovable, lazy and stupid. So now we are going to openly and very publicly shame and bully them into thinness? I am not here to debate whether or not being fat is good or bad for you. The effects that obesity takes on a person’s life are obvious to first and foremost them and to all that surround them. But the point that needs to be made is this…anyone who battles with obesity is a human being and is deserving of love and acceptance…acceptance does not mean being in agreement. But, it does mean according to dictionary.com favorable reception…to me that means respect, lack of judgment, an attitude of understanding, and unconditional love for someone.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself. Harvey Fierstein

Tearing someone down in an effort to create positive change in their lives is the worst possible way to affect change in someone’s life. Especially when it is something (like overeating) that is so entrenched with lifestyle patterns and with all the coinciding factors that come into play a public flogging will create an outrage not an outreach. After reading the above listed article I found this one…Obesity expert says daily workouts can’t undo damage done from sitting all day. It talks of creating better habits all around and gives more information on how the body works in relation to weight loss and weight management As far as I am concerned this is something that needs to be heard more. Finding compassionate and tangible ways to bring about change in the battle against obesity is a workable and a positively proactive way to combat the epidemic…because I know of no one ever who said…when I grow up I want to be fat.

FAT SHAMING DOES NOT WORK!!! Being treated with love, understanding and compassion does. If you know someone who has a daily battle with obesity or any eating disorder, hug them tell them they are not alone and offer your support not judgment and hatred. See them for the quality of their heart, mind, personality and what they contribute to your life and to society. Looking at the toll that bullying and shaming has done…from suicide to self-harming behaviors like cutting, the thing that keeps running through my mind is…isn’t the loss of life and sanity enough to prove this is an ineffective way to deal with the problems in society??

Leave behind a legacy of love and healing not hatred and judgment.

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Will Smith

Jenness

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Still Alive…

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I am headed into day five and I am still alive!!! I have enjoyed this week and am getting to know some pretty cool people. Today I got to hold babies all day!! Yep I snuggled, kissed and squished those little toots to my little hearts content it was grand!!! Mmm I love a beautiful squishy baby!! I still feel very peaceful about this new adventure and for that I am grateful I don’t have many of the new job jitters and I feel little anxiety this week and for that I am truly grateful my last battle with the demon anxiety was long and hard fought. I really am looking for ways to continue to have a positive outlook and to keep growing and finding ways to manage and cope with the inevitable trials that come on the path of life.

Part of my plan is trying to stay more outwardly focused, stay busier and to enjoy the process of my everyday life more…simple things like taking time to love on my fishy Blaze and clean his bowl, or doing the dishes so that when I get up in the morning I am not thinking of my failure to complete certain tasks from the day before. Peanut is enjoying getting out of the house and making new friends and that makes more peace at home. For which I am sure we are both grateful. For now I am continuing to enjoy a more peaceful heart and mind. Praise God for answers to prayers.

Jenness

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Learn from the past, set vivid,  detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which
you have any control: now.

Denis Waitley

Looking Forward…

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In the last week I have been so grateful that some people are only in our lives for a short time…I am shocked to be in this place because I am the kind of person who has a hard time letting people go. I am overly forgiving and I make allowances for people who I probably shouldn’t but many things and people have been helping to perpetuate me being able to not only exercise my NO muscles, but encouraging me in boldness and letting me know I am making productive decisions. I really think that everyone comes into our lives for a reason…to enhance, bring laughter, love and be helpers to you in life and vice a versa. And, then some people come into our lives to show us what we truly do not want. These are the kinds of people who granted leave and indelible mark on our lives but in the way that shows you how to avoid their type of person again.

For this I am grateful, I am grateful that when I am looking forward I can see people and their intentions more clearly. I am grateful that the broken road has a purpose and that when it is patched up it may not look so great but it is purpose is so much greater and when you do take the opportunity to look back all the potholes, crumbled patches and scars of the patchwork it shows you your strength and how far you have come. The road ahead is ripe with fresh opportunity to do it different and better and to reminds me that I can keep looking forward and enjoy what comes next.

I love and appreciate that God has granted me this perspective and is opening my heart to truth but also that I am not dwelling in bitterness and anger, I am beginning to have a grateful spirit for the trials I have faced. ❤

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Jenness

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