Monthly Archives: November 2012

Day 20-Thankfulness

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Thankfulness has been spreading across my Facebook page…I have yet to jump on the bandwagon. For some reason this post has been sitting in my drafts for 9 days. I have been blocked for some reason and the one thing I have learned about being blocked is that I need to write…and whatever comes out can be edited. ūüėÄ With that being said I decided to detail a few things I am grateful for. I don’t want to be cheesy or overtly mushy but I live a blessed life and think I need to pay homage to the things and people who bring me joy, truth, help, and love…LOTS OF LOVE.

At the top of my list is¬†being thankful for my beautiful, smart, precious gift from God my Daughter Lily. I am thankful that after¬†4 years of asthma and allergies this year she has been well controlled and able to run and play with ease¬†without coughing…I am thankful that her spill off the monkey bars though resulting in a break was healed quickly and she is fully recovered and beyond even what the surgeons thought possible¬†as far as mobility was concerned…I am thankful for her sweet kisses and ability to make me laugh when I am so mad all I want to do it scream…I am thankful for her love of music, dance, art and that she is not afraid to just be herself and I pray that she can maintain her free spirit and that she always keeps her big heart. She truly is the greatest gift God has ever given me. ‚̧

I am thankful for my generous parents who help when asked and lead advice whether solicited or not. They light up Lily’s world in a way I cannot. I am so thankful for the way that they love and cherish her. I am thankful that they love me even when they don’t agree with me. I am thankful that no matter the time or place that they still rescue me when I need it…if it is a flat tire or a listening ear I can rely on them.

I am thankful for my siblings and their spouses…they are amazing, smart, talented and ¬†articulate people.¬†The way they love and serve others is inspirational. Not many people¬†enjoy the type of relationships with their immediate family that I do. Not only are we all believers but we all enjoy spending time with each other and know that if one of us is in need all the rest will be on their doorstep to help however they can.

I am thankful for my friends…they sharpen me in a way that I am always surprised by. I am thankful that they take are always open and honest with me. I appreciate our differences and our similarities. My friends are like family to me and through thick and thin joy and sorrow they encourage me or tell me to stop being so crazy. ūüôā

One thing I have been thinking about this year that is surprising to that I¬†have become extremely¬†thankful for is the process of refinement I have been experiencing. Let me explain…I have always felt like trouble finds me my grandmother Irene used to say to me that if it weren’t for bad luck I would have no luck at all. I felt like I was becoming defined as a person by the negativity and hardships that have come my way. And though they have been a prominent feature of my life in the last¬†6 years I would say I have been trying to figure out my place amidst the carnage in my life. What I am learning more everyday is that I am THANKFUL for the trouble and strife…for the heartache and pain that has but me through a refiners fire in a sense…I am trying to see my hand in all the things that come to me good and bad. I want to learn how I create the negative things that come to so that I can better control them. I want to see how God is using it to shape me into the person that he wants me to be. I have a purpose and I think that no matter what happens in my life I can use it to further the purpose that God has given me. I have talked a little about what I think is part of that purpose…my desire to help people. It is a burning desire in my heart to serve others to use my life to positively affect people with my life lessons. I am THANKFUL for the opportunities, insights, wisdom and heartache that have taught me how to be a better person and that have been driving me forward to keep changing and learning.

THANKFULNESS comes in all forms for me…But,¬†I am most thankful for the forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love that I have been afforded by the sacrifice of God’s son dying on the cross for me. I am¬†eternally thankful that I am a child of God and that He chose me.

Jenness

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Day 28-#Love Is Louder

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I came across this idea of Love Is Louder today while I was reading Dan Pearce’s follow-up to his blog yesterday.¬† It linked me to the Love is Louder website through it all I was inspired to do my own version. ¬†I have battled obesity for many years. Right now the battle¬†is hard, and it seems to me¬†everyday that it is getting worse for obese people to find a job¬†or to just generally be accepted in society at large.¬†For that matter just a few weeks ago I was barked at YES BARKED AT!! I was applaud and a few days after that happened 2 grown men I would say in their late 30’s drove¬†up¬†beside me,¬†they were laughing and pointing at me and at one point slowed down took a picture of me for God only knows what reason and with screaming laughter, pointing and making fun of me.¬† Frankly, I thought that I left that all in high school. It¬†seemed odd to me how those events¬†took me right back into a spiral of shame and self-doubt. My concerns have gone further now as a mother that I don’t want my daughter to adopt my habits and struggles. She already talks about body image and has been using one of my most loathed words FAT in reference to people. The sound of all the labels and judgment that fly through our world today is deafening and heart wrenching. I sometimes want to shake people and say really did that just come out of your mouth? I have so much more to say on this subject¬†but that is for¬†another day. Today, through the¬†inspiration¬†I found¬†today I would like to free myself of the shackles that ensnare me with the label of OBESITY and remember Love Is Louder. Praise God for His unconditional love and thanks to all the people who love me for me. LOVE LOUDER PEOPLE ūüôā

Sincerely,

Jenness

P.S. Below are the links to the websites mentioned in this post.

http://www.danoah.com/

http://www.loveislouder.com/

Day 27-Blah & Sharing A Great Blog

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I am working on two blogs that have me a bit¬†blocked. I want to write I am just not sure how to say what I want. Today was full of snuggles and a little cleaning. It should have been a lot of cleaning¬†but tomorrow I will rock it out and hopefully finish at least one of my blogs in progress…in the meantime I read a blog today that I have been following for about a year and I would love to share with all of you…This blog was heart wrenching and poignant. I hope that you are as touched by it as I was, I relate to this blog in the way that I understand feeling out of sorts and wanting to live authentically. His name is Dan Pearce and his blog is Single Dad Laughing…here is the link… http://www.danoah.com/2012/11/anything-other-than-straight.html¬†I would love to hear what you think about it. ūüôā

Jenness

Day 25-Family and Festival

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It has become a tradition in my family that every Thanksgiving weekend my family attends the Boise Festival of Trees. It is a beautiful event that we always enjoy. The best part is watching the excitement and joy on the faces of our children. Every year Peanut has looked in awe at everything…this year she ran a few paces ahead of me yelling Mom look at this one, what is this, why did they do that? She was so excited and happy to see all the sparkling lights and beautiful trees. She did art with her cousins and had a spectacular time laughing and playing. I really love when we are all together I am lucky that I have a close family who wants to spend time together. ūüôā¬†¬†Here are some fun pictures of our fun trip to the Festival of Trees.

 

Jenness

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Day 24-(AND MORE) CARELESS WORDS

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Careless words…

Many times I have used my words carelessly. I opened my mouth and words fell out I had no filter. Left in the wake was hurt and words that could not be retracted. I never thought before I spoke and it didn’t cross my mind that words could carry weight. Seriously how young and dumb was I?? It is funny that I thought that way because I love to read. I could get deeply lost¬†in¬†words worlds I¬†can feel what they were feeling cry with them laugh with them…the word world pulls me in and I am happily lost in the mystery, suspense, love and drama of a good book.¬† This fantasy world where what you say has¬†no real consequences is so alluring…I am always snapped back to reality all to quickly. The take away from this rabbit trail is that the words I read deeply affected me rattled me or elated me. And yet, my own words with family and friends were often recklessly placed.

It took many years of learning,¬†verbal bumps and bruises given and received,¬†to gain a bit of maturation and with that the realization¬†of the¬†gravity of careless words. The weight of words is everlasting. as exampled by this phrase…I have a dream

August 28, 1968 Martin Luther King…

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together”.

These words stand firm and have touched and moved¬†the hearts of many people¬†and are as potent¬†today as they were in 1968…

It makes me think of the life changing words that I¬†have heard in¬†my life…here are a few.

I LOVE YOU

CANCER

ITS A GIRL

GRANDMA IS GONE

YOUR FORGIVEN

Recently I have experienced others use of careless word choices. It angers me and ¬†it makes me think…if only they could walk a mile in my shoes. If only they knew how deeply impactful careless words can be. I know that words can no longer destroy me like they used to. I know I am wiser in my choice of words now and I know that I have the power to use my words differently and productively. (Lets pray I remember this the next time I am enraged¬†by someone’s thoughtlessness.)¬†In the course of life I have made many bad and careless word choices¬†I want to be more purposeful and uplifting with my speech and¬†better communicate and ¬†positively interact with¬†all the people who’s lives touch mine.

Jenness

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Day 19-Perspective

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Isn’t much of life about¬†“perspective”? I looked up what perspective means and dictionary.com defines it like this…”the state of one’s ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.” A meaningful interrelationship…to me that implies you must have a connection with a subject or relationship to a person to have a meaningful perspective. Ok so with that being said I would like to detail a specific struggle I have with blanket prejudice and judgement. A terrible and ill-advised joke came across my Facebook and though I wholeheartedly disagree with the premise behind it I am going to share it in an effort for perspective as to what sparked my ruminating on the subjects I am detailing today…”Obama voters are like Christmas lights….. half of them don’t work & the other half aren’t very bright.”¬† This horrible and off-color joke was posted by¬†a¬†(self-proclaimed)¬†Christian. And¬†it¬†sparked some heated debate and I am sure some hurt feelings. And for me it spurred me to think and process why someone would put something so obviously inflammatory on such a public media.¬†The conclusion that I have come to¬†is¬†that¬†they seriously lack perspective. It doesn’t matter who I voted for¬†I am offended by this because it is an assumption about a certain perceived class of people…I am a single mom of a 5-year-old fatherless daugther…I lost my job of 2 1/2 years due to closure because of lack of money to keep it running. I am here to tell you I was at first to be embarrassed to apply for assistance, I do not want to rely on food stamp, Medicaid and housing. But here is a little perspective…my pride has nothing to do with what I have to do to take care of my child who didn’t ask to be born into this situation. I will beg, borrow, and steal to make sure that she doesn’t have to sleep in our car or go days without eating because her¬†Mommy can’t find a job. I will use my food stamps without embarrassment at the grocery store and I will be eternally grateful for the provision of a roof over our heads because God provided these things for us. I cried from joy when I found out that after 4 years on the waiting list I was accepted for housing assistance. This is a time in my life where I need the help and I am eternally grateful I live in a country that provides me a way to take care of my Peanut girl. I am extremely grateful for the¬†agency that¬†helps us¬†meet our housing needs.¬†After all the hoops I had to jump through all the waiting and stress of not knowing how I would take care of my child if some help didn’t come through,¬†upon receiving the acceptance letter relief came not shame. I am not an uneducated, white trash, drug addict that is sitting around waiting for a hand out. I am a woman, a Mother in need of help. I am trying to educate myself so that this is a temporary station in life, and I am trying to get the best education for my daughter so that she has more opportunities in life then she knows what to do with. There is an assumption that all¬†people who need or accept assistance like food stamps and Medicaid are second class, lazy citizens. Tell me this…if you lost your job,¬†or you had an injury that took you out of commission for a long period of time and you had no way to make ends meet what would you do to take care of your most precious gift…your child or children…I suspect that you too would most likely beg, borrow, and steal or give your right arm and leg if you thought it meant that they didn’t have to suffer even one night. Just because people have to ask for assistance doesn’t mean that they are inherently lazy, stupid or unwilling to work for what they have. Living in today’s world is hard enough why not build up one another¬†up¬†instead of tear each other down with¬†intolerance and judgement. The fact that this particular post came from a Christian (as I mentioned before) is extremely disheartening because the God I know doesn’t deal in hatred and prejudice. His disciples were compromised of¬† men that were considered the lowest of the low tax collectors, fisherman, and murders. They now sit at the right hand of the Lord. Christians are in constant attack and scrutiny in the media, the classroom, and world. So…why add fuel to the fire? Why give non-believers a reason to hate Christians even more?¬†¬†Hypocrisy has nothing to do with Jesus I do not see how spewing venom and ¬†extreme opinions ever won someone over to your side of a matter.¬† Though I highlighted a specific incident that triggered me, this post is in general and I’m not¬†trying to call anyone out or¬† hurt someones¬†feelings. I think in general when people lack perspective they tend to be more¬†judgemental and say things¬†about subjects that they are not fully¬†informed about¬†and a lot of times it just comes off not sounding¬†very intelligent (despite being intelligent people).¬†I know that I in the past have done the exact same thing.¬†Being that I have strong and passionate opinions I will most likely do it again. But, what I hope is that by talking about things openly, recognizing my own faults and failures, that I can improve and do better tomorrow then I did today.

Jenness

Lots of days

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I’m so tired and have been for days. I’m trying to get more rest. I have a post brewing in my crazy brain that may cover all my missed days and hopefully will get back on track to writing everyday. Things have been bubbling under the surface and though I’m not upset or unhappy I am passionately opinionated and so very against prejudice, closemindedness, and sometimes just plain idiocy. Being that I have faced all of these things to some degree I have a burning fire against them. Tomorrow with hopefully a clear heart, clear intentions I hope to tackle in my own way the issues that have been ruminating.
Jenness